Russian Holidays
by AddUsernameHere
Summary: Russia. The place of snow, ushankas, vodka- and the Blitzkrieg Boys. When Ray has to spend his Christmas holidays there, surrounded by the morons that are the BladeBreakers, BEGA, eventually the White Tigers, and five psychopaths... Things will break. Yaoi, BryanXTala, IanXKevin. Don't like, don't read. Rated T for swearing
1. Male Pregnancy

**This this is completely random. The idea just wouldn't leave my head, so I had to write it, or I would probably go insane. I'm joking. Probably.**

**This whole fic is in Ray's POV. It's probably going to turn out quite long, but hey ho, I'll just go along with it.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Beyblade. Dang it!**

**Hope you like it and all that!**

* * *

><p>I swear, if I hear one more thing come out of Garland's mouth regarding his honour, pride, family or creepy martial arts, I'm going to have a mental breakdown.<p>

He's been talking for hours, probably thinking that we actually care while we all exchange glances, wondering who's going to shout something first.

By we I mean: me, Max, Tyson, Daichi, Hilary, Kenny, the Blitzkrieg Boys and BEGA, apart from Crusher, who's with his sister on holiday on India. Luckily for him, Hiro's doing some work thing in Austria, leaving us all alone. Together. Help.

Common sense screams that leaving us alone isn't the wisest idea. A bunch of teenage boys (excluding Hilary... Not that I've ever walked in on her in the shower...) running around, trashing the place and de-carpeting the bedrooms (I'll get onto that later) is a recipe for disaster. I'll have to ask Oliver to cook it for me some time

And me? At the moment I'm eyeing up a very nice knife hanging in the kitchen, calculating how long it would take for me to grab it and stick it in-between Garland's shoulder blades before he realises. By the looks of things Bryan has the same idea as me. But he's closer to the kitchen. Damn.

"And then I did this amazing backflip and, still in the air, kicked him in the head. I landed directly on top of him, but by that time he was knocked out-" I guess I could push the bookcase down on him? Won't hurt too much, right?

"-six of them surrounded me, dressed entirely in black. I thought I was done for. Just kidding; I knew I could beat them all-" Nah. It's probably too heavy. That vase in the corner looks promising, though...

"-and they were practically dead by the time the emergency services arrived. Not that I cared." He was about to go into detail about a lobotomy when the phone rang, cutting him off. Yes! Saved by the phone!

"I'm getting it!" Daichi yelled, sprinting across the carpet, which was actually in one piece. It's entertaining how someone can get so excited about answering a phone. Aw, bless little children and their freaky ways.

"Helllllooooooo?" Daichi asked, stretching out the greeting for some reason. See? Freaky. You'll never catch me doing that.

"Oh, hey, Mr Dickinson!" Someone teach the boy about being formal to elders, please, before someone gets hurt? So I'm maybe overreacting. But you try living with these idiots!

"Daichi, give me the phone." Tyson demanded, grabbing it off his friend, who in return kicks the dragon in the shins. Don't you just love peace and harmony?

"Hi, Mr D!" Tyson greets, having finally grabbed the phone off Daichi, who was now sulking in the corner. Whoa, when did he cross the room? I really need to stop daydreaming. Focus, Ray, focus.

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah." Tyson nodded. He reminded me of those seagulls from that film, Finding Nemo. But instead of parroting "Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!" he had chosen to use the most complex word in the human language. Go you, Tyson.

"Yeah. Yeah. Yea- hey, Kai! Give it back!" As if it isn't obvious already, Kai had chosen that moment to save us from any more torture of listening to Tyson's beautiful phone conversation.

"Shut up, Tyson. Yeah, Mr Dickinson, it's me. Okay." I roll my eyes discreetly as Kai starts up a thrilling conversation with the old man on the other side of the phone, not caring what the hell they're talking about.

By the looks of things, Bryan, Spencer and Tala look bored too, whereas the rest of them have an expression on their faces which screams either 'I'm pretending to look interested because I have no life' or 'I actually am interested because I have no life.' I'm such a charming person.

"What's with the long face kitty?" A sudden voice in my ear causes me to jump. Help! It's the devil himself! He's going to- oh, no, wait, it's just Tala. Well... Same thing.

"My bedroom has no carpet." What the hell, brain? Why did you make me say that? Now he's looking at me as if I just announced I'm considering getting pregnant.

"No ones bedroom has any carpet. Those idiots decided to rip it all up." Tala says, gesturing towards Tyson, Max and Daichi, who are being owls. By that I mean they're just staring at Kai, not blinking. I'm really crap at metaphors, okay?

"I'm not really getting pregnant." Wait, what?! I didn't just say that. This is a dream. Either that or I'm dead.

"Ray. You're thinking out loud." I turn to stare at Tala, who looks weirded out. Can't say I blame him. Cheers, brain.

"So I am." I need more sleep. Staying up until four in the morning every night really has a negative effect on me.

While Tala tries to decide whether I need mental help or not, Kai has apparently said something to us, as Hilary is jumping up and down screeching like a cat in pain.

"I've always wanted to go to Russia!" I frown, seriously confused. I blame it on the lack of sleep.

"What?" I ask, wondering why everyone except the Blitzkrieg Boys are looking like they've just won the lottery.

"Ray, have you even been listening?" Kai asks, clearly irritated that I haven't been listening to his mighty words of wisdom.

"No, he's been talking about pregnancy." Tala explains. Still standing by the kitchen door, Bryan frowns.

"You want to get Tala pregnant? I wouldn't advise it dude, he's mental." Bryan says, earning a death glare from the redhead. As you can probably tell, the atmosphere here is clearly relaxing and calm.

"No! That's not even possible!" I shout. Bryan raises an eyebrow, smirking for some reason. I'm never going to understand these people.

"What I was saying was," Kai interrupted, disturbing our bonding moment, "everyone is going to Russia over Christmas. The plane leaves tomorrow, so we should start packing now."

Whoa! Hold up! Brain not functioning here. Did he just say we're going to Russia? As in, that massive thing which is covered in snow all the time? As in the Blitzkrieg Boys home country? As in the place where Biovolt was created? Uh... Why?

"Why?" I need to find out. What's wrong with staying here? Okay, so maybe the house is lacking slightly in carpet and cleanliness, but for what purpose do we have to travel hundreds of miles to another part of the world? Is Mr D having a laugh?

"Because Mr Dickinson had arranged it. We're staying in Bryan and Tala's old place. I think Ian's coming too. Now enough with the dumb questions, we need to pack." Kai huffs, walking out of the room.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Everything's going way too fast. Has Tala and Bryan agreed to this? Has everyone else agreed to this? Heck, have I even agreed to this?

"Did you know about this?" I question Bryan and Tala, who are now sitting with Spencer on one of the black sofas. They look at me at exactly the same time, which isn't creepy at all.

"Yes. We had no choice in the matter. But we are not happy about this, though. If any of you idiots trash our house, I'll trash your face. Okay?" Bryan raised his voice so everyone else could hear.

"Is there enough space?" Brooklyn, who had been quiet this entire time, asked. Tala rolled his ice blue eyes, obviously annoyed.

"There's plenty of room, it's a big house." The wolf said like he was talking to a four year old. Brooklyn cast his eyes to the floor, pleased with the answer.

"I said: PACK!" Kai's voice suddenly shouted, making most of us flinch. Ming-Ming dramatically clasped her hands to her chest for some weird reason, which definitely made her seem all cute and innocent (detect the sarcasm? No? Damn.)

"Yes, sir." I heard someone mumble. Probably Tyson.

Five minutes later, we are all shoving random clothes and stuff into our suitcases. Well, most people are shoving random clothes into their suitcases. But not me. No, I'm neatly folding mine, making sure they don't get crumpled. Because I'm hardcore like that.

What is Mr Dickinson thinking? Sending us all to Russia is like letting Bryan loose with a pick axe. Max, Tyson and Daichi are bound to cause trouble, resulting in some very angry Russians. Oh, the joys of life.

Sighing heavily, I push my last few items into my suitcase, dreading the next few weeks with my manic friends. This is going to be a nightmare. And I don't even like snow.

* * *

><p><strong>So, despite what it may look like so far, I do actually have a plot for this story. Why did I decide to write this? I have no idea. Hey, I just write whatever comes into my head.<strong>

**Updates aren't going to be too often, as I'm more focused on another one of my fics. But every now and then I will update.**

**Please R&R, and let me know if you like it so far or not!**


	2. Broken Kettles and Angry Russians

**Yeah... I know I said I wasn't going to be updating often, but a friend of mine said she liked it so I decided to write more!**

**LupaCaerulea: Thank you! And here's more. Hope you like!**

**Warnings: swearing, very very slight yaoi in this chapter**

**Disclaimer: See chapter one**

* * *

><p>"Tyson! We're going to be late! Get your lazy butt down here before I come up there and MAKE YOU!"<p>

Just what I love to wake up to on a Saturday morning: Kai shouting at Tyson, who was still asleep. Okay, so was I, but I don't take two days to even drag myself out of bed and get changed. Tyson does. You know, if you didn't get what I was hinting at. Moving on.

What are we going to be late for? Ooh yeah! Today's the day we're travelling hundreds of miles to get hyperthermia! How could I forget?

I'm seriously dreading this. I heard somewhere that Russian winters hit minus 10 celcius sometimes, and in no form am I willing to act as a human blanket for Tyson when he starts whining. I'd rather snuggle up to Tala. At least he knows what hygiene is.

Talking about Tala, the redhead is now currently standing at my door, glaring at me for some reason.

"Hello." I croak my first words of the day, attempting to wave at him, but instead end up flinging my covers on the floor. Nice one, Ray.

"Why aren't you up. I've been awake since five. Get dressed." Aw, nice to see you too, Tal. If he expects us to get up at five once we're in Moscow, something's going to get broken.

"Totally on it." I roll over and end up falling out of the bed, my ponytail wrapped around my throat. Now my hair's against me. And all I ever did was care for it and love it!

"Some time this millennia, Kon." Tala rolls his eyes before leaving my room, probably to tip a bucket of psychopath all over Tyson. (A bucket of psychopath: a container of a certain object or liquid which causes great pain when in contact with human skin.)

Can't I just lie here? Forever? Wearing nothing but my boxers, skin freezing against the bare floorboards, face smushed against my wall. Bliss.

But no, I have to get up or Kai will kill me. Not that I'm scared of Kai. But when he's angry, I'd rather keep my distance from him. It's not pretty.

Finally hauling myself into sitting position, I discover that it's half past six in the morning, and nearly have a heart attack. Who does Kai think he is, waking me up when it's practically midnight, just to make me board a plane? Damn him. Damn Mr Dickinson. Damn Russia.

"Tala, you bastard, what the fuck are you doing?" Screams the one and only Bryan Kuznetsov. He seems to have a passion for cursing, that one. Might be connected to his _slight_ anger issues.

"Making tea, dumbass. What does it look like?" Uh-oh. Tala's annoyed. Someone call the fire brigade. And the police. And an ambulance.

I shut my door, leaving them both to their little shouting session. I pull on a random outfit and comb my hair out with my fingers, before tying it up again. I'm ready to roll.

I wish the same could be said for Tyson. By the sound of it, Kai's filling up a cup with freezing water, ready to throw it on the dragon. I would feel sorry for him, but I am not going to start pitying a boy who eats more than all of us put together. I haven't sunk that low just yet.

My suitcase stands by the door, bursting at the seams full of stuff I barely need. Hey, I'm taking it all anyway. The only thing I'm purposely leaving behind is the birthday present Mariah got me; a neon yellow leopard print hair wrap. Don't even ask.

I wonder if the others are up yet. I can hear Mystel downstairs, talking to Brooklyn about beetles. Ming-Ming's most likely in her room applying all of her makeup to her face, Max doesn't normally make much noise, and I don't care about the others enough to list their whereabouts. Wait, does that mean I care about Ming-Ming? Dang.

Coming back to reality, I pick up my suitcase and slowly walk downstairs, dragging it noisily behind me. Unfortunately I can hear Tala and Bryan's argument more clearly now, which isn't surprising since I'm pretty much standing next to them. The beauties of commons sense.

"Well, Daichi was the one who broke the god damn handle!" Tala yelled angrily. Do I want to know?

"What's happening?" I sidle up to Brooklyn, who was looking at Tala from beneath his bangs. I hope he doesn't go all King of Darkness on me.

"Tala poured boiling water all over Bryan because the kettle was broke. Or something like that." He explained, his voice low but calm. Phew. He's not going to murder me.

"Where did you hide the body?" I ask him. He looks at me, an eyebrow raised.

"You are seriously weird, Ray. You packed?" Whoa! Brooklyn's making everyday conversation with me! Oh, yeah, he wants an answer.

"All sorted. You?" He nods in reply. Exciting conversation over then, I guess. It's been a laugh.

"Everyone in the bus in ten minutes. Whoever isn't gets left behind." Kai announces, walking downstairs. Tyson trails behind him, dripping wet. Ha. Sucker.

"Is Ian going to be there?" Mystel suddenly appeared behind me. Since when did he care about Ian? The dude does like meeting new people, I guess, but Ian's not the most pleasant boy ever.

"Maybe." Was Kai's exhilarating reply. Mystel just smiled.

"My mother always said that I'm going to go great in this world." Said guess who. Yup. Garland was back to boasting again. Wonder if Tala has any more boiling water I can pour all over him.

"Garland. Shut up." Spencer appeared next to him, frowning. Garland just rolled his eyes and carried on bragging.

"I goy my first martial arts medal when I was just two months old, you know. It was made of pure gold, encrusted with rubies aaaaand!" He was cut off by Spencer picking him up by the collar of his shirt and holding him in the air. Thank you, Spencer, you abnormally tall freak!

"Put the dickhead down, Spence." Tala instructed, walking into the hall. How could he get away with calling the whale 'Spence'? I'm jealous.

Spencer did as he was told, dropping a fuming Garland onto the floor. (Not a Christmas decoration on fire, mind you.)

While Garland sulked in the corner we all began to file out of the door once everyone had arrived. I nearly forgot my suitcase being the intelligent person I am, but luckily remembered to grab it before Kai locked it in there for all eternity.

The icy air slaps me across the face, making me eyes water. If it's freezing here in Japan, I dread to think what it's going to be like in Russia. Just kill me now.  
>Waiting around the corner is a mini bus with the words 'TRY NOW' across the side of it. I'm guessing it's an advertisement?<p>

"Bagsy sitting at the front!" Daichi and Max shouted together, charging towards the bus. Children really are a mystery to me.

Sure enough, they both arrived at the vehicle first and had already belted themselves into the front seats. Tyson and Kenny sat behind, followed by BEGA, and finally the Blitzkrieg Boys at the back, as far away as they could get from humanity.

Since I'm the last one on the bus, the number of seats have decreased massively. There are only two seats left: the space next to Garland, and the space next to Tala and Bryan because they had chosen the three-seat chair at the back.

I'm stuck. Garland, or Bryan and Tala? On one hand, I'll have to endure Garland boasting about everything for hours. On the other hand, I could die. When I think of it like that it's an easy decision.

"Um... Can I sit with you guys?" I cautiously approach Tala and Bryan, deciding that I do like my sanity. They both look at me, then over to Garland, then back at me again.

"I guess." Tala moves over slightly, making sure that I don't touch him when I sit down. Did he just agree? Egad! What, people don't say that anymore?

"Thanks." I step closer, and I'm just about to sit down when I spot something. I blink, certain that I'm seeing things. But no. It's there, clear as day.

Bryan and Tala are _holding hands!_

I look at them both, relieved when I see they're looking out of the window. Judging by their positions I can tell that they've attempted to hide their clasped hands, so I don't say anything. Not that I would anyway. Living is a hobby of mine, and I'd rather keep doing it.

So... They're going out? Or is this just some friend thing? Not that I have a problem. I'm not homophobic or anything. But seriously, Tala and Bryan?! The two most psychopathic bladers in existence? I just can't imagine them being... Uh... Together!

I glance over at them. They actually both look quite calm. I'm pleased for them, but I'm just so confused. And I have to spend the next few weeks with them. Maybe I'll play detective and try to find out more...

Great. I'm going to die of pneumonia, surrounded by idiots and two gay people who I'm not actually certain are gay. Thanks, life. Thanks a bunch.

* * *

><p><strong>I love TalaXBryan! The next few chapters will be focused around their relationship, so I warn you: if you don't like yaoi, you're stuffed.<strong>

**Please R&R!**


	3. The Importance of Gloves

**New chapter! Yessssss! It's funny how at the start I said I wouldn't be updating this story very often, but it's so fun to write! So, here's another chapter!**

**MrsRayKon: I should've so put that... he he I agree. Thanks!**

**And thanks to MrsRayKon for giving me the idea to make Daichi sing Ruspatin to Bryan!**

**Disclaimer: The day Beyblade is mine is the day the world ends. Because I would use it to blow stuff up. Who wouldn't? Beyblade isn't mine. And neither is the song Ruspatin.**

* * *

><p>At least one good thing has come out of this 'holiday': I now know how important gloves are. Turns out they aren't just pathetic pieces of fabric that serve no purpose other than to annoy you; in Russia, they're life savers.<p>

The bus journey was horrific. Nothing new happened between Tala and Bryan, but Garland decided to make up a song about how amazing he was, no joke. He sang it so many times I actually know all the words:

_I am the best, there is no one better  
>I will win, because I am a winner<br>Not a loser, I am a winner  
>Yes, I don't loose, because I can't, (da da da)<br>Praise me, I'm amazing,  
>Worship me, I am glazing<br>Glazing like a glazed doughnut (but not as jammy, because I don't like jam)  
>And on top of that, I can say the alphabet backwards<br>In 14736 different languages, (doop doop.)  
>Oh yeah, and I have a cool ponytail that's so much better than Ray's.<br>So remember children,  
>And adults and rocks,<br>And animals and plants,  
>Remember to build a statue of me,<br>Because I deserve it for being so amazing (cha cha cha!)_

Luckily, after ten rounds, Tyson had chosen to head butt him, and he had fell unconscious on the floor. Ha. Sucker. (And, for the record Garland, my hair is always going to be better than yours. Ooh, burn! No? Okay.)

The plane journey was even worse. By the time we had reached the airport it was dark, and Tyson had decided to fall asleep. I had to carry him onto the plane, and that boy isn't light.

Or quiet. If any of us actually got any sleep I'll be amazed. The dragon snored so loudly my ears almost started bleeding, and now I have a headache. Mr Dickinson better hire armed body guards if he values his own safety, because when I return to Japan, I am genuinely going to kill him.

So, now I'm in Moscow. Freezing to death. Covered in two coats, three scarfs, eight pairs of socks, four pairs of gloves and some earmuffs, walking in two foot deep snow, trying to find Bryan and Tala's house. Having the time of my life.

"Are we nearly there yet?" Mystel moaned, face planting the snow after tripping over an unidentified object.

"Shut the fuck up before I stand on you." Came Bryan's lovely reply. Good ol' Bryan, always there to degrade you and/or beat you up.

"Actually, we're here." A voice came from behind me. Being the incredibly graceful neko-jin that I am, I tripped over another unidentified object, and literally buried myself in the snow. Not only that, but guess what I tripped over? My hair. Yup, I tripped over my own hair. Well done, Ray. Score one.

"Wow! This house is massive!" I heard someone gasp, probably Ming-Ming or Tyson. But as I was busy trying not to eat snow, I unfortunately couldn't see the actual house. Mmm. Ground sandwich. Yummy.

"How come you have a house in Moscow, Tal?" An annoyingly high pitched voice asked. After finally regaining my footing, I saw that it was Ming-Ming, hanging onto Tala's arm.

"Because I do. Call me Tal again, and I will set the rabid dogs on you." Tala answered politely. Ming-Ming's eyes widened and she stepped back, holding a hand over her mouth. Look, there's the sweet and innocent look again! Someone call a photographer!

"RAY!" A hand smacked me in the face, almost sending me sprawling in the snow again. Almost, but not quite. After all, elegance comes naturally to me.

"What?" I snap, turning around, glaring at the person who assaulted me. Ah. It's Brooklyn. Better stop scowling, I do enjoy having two arms. Arms are for cool people.

"I've said your name like, ten times. Daydreaming or something?" The redhead asked me, smiling. His smile won't fool me. I can see he's planning to take over the world.

"Uh... No?" I suggest. Wow. This weather has really reduced my IQ.

"Anyway, what I was asking was, do you know any Russian songs?" Oh, right! Of course! Why the hell didn't I think of that? Stupid me.

"Why?" I question suspiciously. For what purpose would Brooklyn want to know a Russia song for? Unless that weapon of ultimate destruction I just know he's built is powered on the Russian language, a catchy tune, and falsetto? Hey, it's possible.

"Just curious." He shrugs. But I can see past this nice exterior, and I'm not giving in.

"No, 'fraid not." I say. He just smiles again and walks on. That dude really is scary.

Suddenly, the snow hardens. I look up, shocked, only to see that I'm walking on concrete now, as the driveway up to the house sloped upwards and wasn't covered in snow. I'm so smart.

"Take your shoes and coats off. If anyone treads snow into the carpet, I will personally decapitate you whilst you're in the shower." Bryan threatened, unlocking the front door. Now that I'm not drowning in snow, I can actually see the house, and I'm shocked at the size of it. It's not mansion size, but it's a lot bigger than the dojo. And that's saying something.

"So, you're basically saying that you're going to walk in on us in the shower? Like some kind of perv?" Garland asked. Bryan turned towards him, a sadistic glint in his eyes. Garland got the hint and backed off. Unfortunately.

"Ha ha! I can so imagine that! Bryan Kuznetsov, Russia's local love machine!" Daichi cried, grinning excitedly. The Blitzkrieg boys just blinked at him.

"We should write a song!" Daichi still wouldn't shut up. I was beginning to feel a little sorry for the dude. Oh, well. One less person to cook for.

"I have the perfect idea." The small redhead claimed. He cleared his throat and grinned even wider. Oh god. Two songs in the space of 24 hours? Life hates me.

"Here we go!  
>There lived a certain man in Russia long ago,<br>He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow.  
>Most people looked at him with terror and with fear,<br>But to Moscow chicks he was such a lovely dear.  
>He could preach the bible like a preacher,<br>Full of ecstacy and fire.  
>But he also was the kind of teacher,<br>Women would desire!

"BR-YAN KUZNETSOV  
>Lover of the Russian queen<br>There was a cat that really was gone  
>BR-YAN KUZNETSOV<br>Russia's greatest love machine  
>It was a shame how he carried- argh!"<p>

Furious, Bryan had rudely interrupted Daichi's traumatising singing and had grabbed his by the ankle, so the small redhead was hanging upside down in the air. Well, to be fair, he did deserve it. _No one_ made fun of Bryan.

"Bryan! I'm sorry! I won't do it again. Please put me down?" Daichi whimpered. But Bryan just growled in his face.

In a horrible perspective, I'm sort of glad Bryan had decided to kill Daichi. I don't know how long I would've been able to put up with his singing before committing suicide.

"Move." Bryan snarled at me. Confused, I clumsily stepped out of the way (demonstrating my grace and balance) and watched as Bryan stepped forward.

The falcon raised his arm, causing Daichi to squeal. By the looks of things, I think Bryan's going to drop him or something- oh, wait, no, he's threw him into the air. Of course. Why didn't I think of that. Silly me.

"You can freeze!" Bryan shouted as Daichi landed at the bottom of the driveway, which was a good twenty meters away. Growling, the falcon stormed into the house, followed by Spencer and Tala. The rest of us followed.

If someone had said to me five years ago that one day I'd be in Moscow surrounded by psychopaths, terrible singers, evil geniuses (coughbrooklyncough), nerds, show-offs, Egyptians and idiots, I wouldn't have believed them. But now? Actually, you know what, I still wouldn't believe them. This has to be a dream. Please, someone wake me up.

But things can't get any worse... Right?

* * *

><p><strong>Fairly short chapter, but I really enjoyed writing it!<strong>

**It's quite entertaining that out of all the fanfictions I have wrote, over half of them have included Bryan being psychopathic and/or violent.**

**Please R&R and let me know what you think, your comments would be greatly appreciated!**


	4. The Perks of Life

**And I'm back! New chapter! Go me!**

**This chapter is longer than usual, but hey ho. Just go along with it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own**

**Warnings: Swearing, yaoi**

* * *

><p>Guess what? I was wrong! Things can get worse. Much, much worse.<p>

On arriving at Bryan and Tala's house, we all had to take off our shoes and coats. Poor Daichi was still freezing outside. Well. I say 'poor'. In reality I couldn't care less.

Their house was extraordinary. Even the hallway where we deposited our stuff was awesome. The wooden flooring was free of even a single scratch, and the pure white wallpaper complimented the paintings on the wall perfectly. It was huge.

Tala made it clear that his bedroom was out of bounds by giving an inspirational speech about how he would burn whoever trespassed onto his territory. We all agreed not to wander anywhere near the Blitzkrieg Boys for our own personal safety.

The drama all started when Mystel accidentally dropped a glass in the kitchen.

Luckily for him, Bryan didn't go all psycho rage I'm-going-to-rip-you-apart on him, but he did scowl at the Egyptian from across the room. Tala was busy bossing everyone around upstairs, and I was seated at the table in the (massive) kitchen, reading a book.

"I'm sorry! I'll pick it up!" Mystel apologised, picking up the shards of glass with his fingers.

"Don't do that!" I felt I had to warn him about the dangers of glass and how stroppy they could get. After all, they did enjoy cutting skin.

"Don't do what? I'll be fine, Ray." Mystel simply said, before tripping over and whacking his head against the kitchen counter. Oh yeah, and then he cut himself on the glass. There always has to be some blood.

"Is it dead?" Bryan arrived at the unconscious Mystel before I did. The falcon picked up a spatula and started poking him with it, and I couldn't exactly stop him, could I?

"Uh... Bryan... I don't think it's- he's- dead, you know." I subtly hinted, trying to get Bryan to stop poking Mystel. Thankfully, my amazing powers of persuasion convinced the calm and gentle Bryan to step away from the spatula.

"Go away, Kon. Why aren't you upstairs, anyway?" Bryan growled at me, having now moved on to kicking Mystel. So much for that theory.

"I've already unpacked." I shrug, looking at the poor child curled up on the floor. He'll have bruises tomorrow.

"Brooklyn, go away." Mystel moaned. Quick! He's coming to! Run away and hide all evidence that I've been here!

"Huh. It's alive." Bryan raised an eyebrow and took a step back, leaving Mystel still on the floor. Being the charming person that I am, I had to help the idiot up.

"Mystel? Are you okay?" I peered down at him, wincing at the bruise on the side of his head. That was probably going to hurt.

The Serpent looked at me, cradling his head with one hand. Blood seeped out of his right arm, staining the white tile floor. I would've felt sorry for him if he wasn't glaring at me.

"Were you kicking me?" He questioned, trying to stand up. I grabbed his arm to steady him when he started swaying slightly, earning a glare from both him and Bryan. Now what had I done?

"Uh..." I stammered, knowing that if I blamed Bryan, the falcon would murder me. Even if it was his fault.

"Yeah. No. Possibly. Um... Yes?" I finally manage. Mystel glared at me while Bryan smirked. I was trapped.

"Well. Don't do it again." What? That was it? No brutal torture? No noses being broken? Or maybe I'm confusing Mystel with Bryan... God, I need more sleep.

"I'm going upstairs. Touch anything and I'll slam your head between two tables." Bryan said, leaving the kitchen. That dude really needs therapy. Or psychological help. Or both.

"My head hurts." Mystel moaned, clutching the work top in pain. Being the nice and loving person that I am, I just stood there, looking at him. Aren't I nice?

"Maybe because you just knocked yourself out?" I suggest, hoping my tone sounds comforting. Unfortunately, Mystel didn't take it that way.

"Don't get all pissy with me, Ray. Go and get Brooklyn." The Egyptian instructed me. What am I, his servant? I am not letting him boss me around.

"Yeah, sure." Aaaaand there goes my badass exterior. Hey, I'm just too nice.

Running upstairs and marvelling yet again at the humongous staircase, (even the stairs were fancy) I try to detect Brooklyn's voice. But on top of the shouting and cries of 'Spencer! I need that leg!' and 'Walk awaaaay from the knife, Ming-Ming' I couldn't hear Brooklyn's voice at all. Typical.

Where would he be? He didn't like to be around people or loud noises, so he was most likely somewhere quiet.

That left me with only one option: to explore the house in an attempt to find him. Which meant that I could come across the Blitzkrieg Boys territory. Which meant that they would kill me. Gulp.

Why am I doing this for Mystel, anyway? It's not as if I have to. Okay, so he did cut his arm on glass and knock himself out. But that doesn't mean I have to do something nice for him.

Wow, this isn't making me sound like a bad person at all. I guess one of the reasons I'm practically committing suicide for the boy is because I can't help being a nice person, even if I can be a sarcastic jerk at times. And, okay, maybe just a tiny part of me actually wanted to explore this massive house.

"Come on, Ray. You can do this." I mutter to myself, carefully edging down the corridor. I'm not taking any chances; the first sound of a Russian and I'm out of here.

As well as trying to find Brooklyn, I was also gawping at every item of furniture, every painting on the wall, every delicate swirl on the wallpaper. If I wasn't so scared I would probably be smoothing down this bookcase, getting a closer look at that painting. This house really was magnificent.

The wallpaper in this corridor (most likely one of many) was red, decorated with elegant golden patterns. The carpet was snowy white, and not a spec of dirt could be seen, no matter how hard I looked. Not saying that I was constantly bending down and examining the carpet. Moving on.

I know that Spencer is with the other idiots, but I have no idea where the other Russians are. I couldn't hear Tala when I walked passed everyone else, and Kai could be anywhere. Bryan had seemingly disappeared.

And the worst thing? I wasn't in the room when Tala had told everyone where their rooms were. So they could be anywhere.

"What are you? A coward?" Trying to urge myself on, I took a deep breathe and vow to stand my ground if any one of them confronts me.

Because that would happen. Knowing me, I'd probably just turn and run. Fast. Very, very fast. Most likely screaming my head off at the same time.

So far, so good. No sign of any of them. I'm nearly reaching the end of this corridor when I hear something: a soft whisper coming from the room next to me.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I turn the door handle, certain that Brooklyn would be inside. Tala, Bryan and Kai never whisper. Brooklyn, on the other hand, was always muttering to random insects.

I push the heavy oak door open, concerns about Mystel already on the tip of my tongue. I'd explain how he had dropped a glass and cut himself, how he had tripped and knocked himself out, how Bryan had... Oh.

Brooklyn wasn't in the room. Brooklyn wasn't the one I had heard whispering. It was Bryan and Tala.

Petrified, I was about to turn and run, but stopped in my tracks when I got a closer look at them. Bryan had his back to me, shielding Tala from my sight. There was something strange about their positions...

Craning my head to look at them, I almost choke on air. They were kissing! Genuinely kissing!

Bryan had one arm around Tala's back and the other cupping the back of his head. Tala was holding Bryan's face with both of his hands.

So I was right! They were going out! Not that this was an appropriate time to be celebrating. If they caught me spying on them... I don't even want to think about what would happen. But it would be painful. Very slow, and very painful.

Slowly backing out of the room, I held my breath, praying to every god and goddess that neither would see or hear me. Luckily they didn't. Thanks to my elegance and feline skills.

See! I can be graceful when it matters! Or maybe it was just because I was walking on thick carpet? No. I am not raining on my own parade.

Peering through the gap between the door and the wall (what? You really think I would just walk away?) I see that they've both turned slightly. I can see them both now, and the first thing I notice is the peaceful look on Tala's face. Wow! So he can feel emotions!

Suddenly they both broke apart and stood still, holding each other. Tala looked up to Bryan, smiling sweetly. Bryan smiled back.

Punch me, I'm dreaming. Did Tala Ivanov, the cold hearted, antisocial captain of the Blitzkrieg Boys, just _smile_? And on top of that, did Bryan Kuznetsov, psychopathic and terrifying sadist, smile _back_? The world is going mad.

Now would probably be a good time to evacuate the area. They could decide to walk out of their room any second, and if they saw me, I'd take my position in a grave yard.

Carefully walking backwards, I bite my lip. This was so scary. Just a few more steps and then I could run full speed down the corridor, the soft carpet muffling my footsteps.

I wish that happened. I wish life was that simple. But, of course, life isn't that simple is it? So when I crashed into a bookcase behind me, I hoped that my death would be quick and painless.

"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING?" Bryan screamed in my face, pinning me up against the wall. Tala was just frozen on the spot, staring at me. God, Buddha, anyone: please help me.

"I... Nothing, I swear..." I stutter, praying for a miracle.

"What did you see?" Tala took a step towards me, his eyes burning with hatred.

"Nothing... Well..." Bryan slammed me up against the wall, making my head crack against the stone hard surface. My vision blurred slightly.

"If you say anything about this to anyone, Kon, I won't kill you. I'll make you suffer so much you'll wish you were dead, but I won't kill you. Then I'll torture your friends in front of you." Bryan threatened. Shivers ran down my spine as Bryan forced me to stare into his cold, grey eyes.

Amazingly, Bryan stepped back and let me go. I fell with a thud to the floor, clutching my throat and breathing heavily.

"Remember, Kon. You tell anyone and you're a dead man." Tala reminded me, tilting his head slightly. I nodded. Were they letting me go? Unharmed? Well, mostly unharmed. My neck still hurt.

With a final glare in my direction, Tala stalked off, pulling Bryan along with him.  
>Oh, the perks of life. I had angered Bryan and Tala, nearly got killed by Bryan, crashed into a bookcase, and I didn't even find Brooklyn; the one thing I was meant to do.<p>

Oh well. Mystel can suffer. At the moment, I'm busy worrying about my own safety.

* * *

><p><strong>Ray torture is extremely entertaining...<strong>

**Some may have noticed that I've changed my summary slightly. Before it said 'Yaoi, TalaXBryan, but not major.' Now I've got rid of the 'not major' part as I've decided that Tala and Bryan are going to be the main points of this story!**

**Please R&R!**


	5. Murder Scene

**An update! Whoa! What am I on?!**

**I promised Kawaii-Chibi-Kai that this would be published today! ... And it's five to midnight. Hey! It counts!**

**And thank you for reviewing, Kawaii-Chibi-Kai! I love your name by the way!**

**Okay... So here it is. The monstosity that is chapter... Six? I don't even know. Enjoy... *Runs into a dark room and cries***

* * *

><p>I've made up my mind. There is no purpose to life anymore.<p>

When I finally managed to drag myself back downstairs, I discovered that Brooklyn had found Mystel at the exact moment I left the kitchen. They were both sitting at the kitchen table sipping strawberry milkshake and talking about how endangered the South-African blue spotted ground hog was. I was not happy, to say the least.

Then, at dinner time, Tyson and Max decided to start up an argument about which member of the Spice Girls was the 'hottest'. I just sat there, squirming awkwardly as I could just feel Bryan and Tala's glares burning into my soul... Whoa. That was deep.

But that was yesterday. And now I'm here, scowling at my alarm clock, lying in bed and complaining about life. Just my typical morning. However, now there's a difference: I have two very angry, very sadistic Russians on my case. Yay for me.

My alarm clock reads 11:23, and I intend on staying in bad for at least another millennia. After all, everyone likes bed, right?

Guess what. I'm wrong again. And when Mystel suddenly ran into my room shouting at me to 'Get up! It's nearly night time!' I literally considered just jumping out of the window and running away. Life just hates me, clearly.

"Raaaaaay! Get up or I'll sit on you!" Mystel demanded, narrowing his eyes. I pretended not to hear him and burrowed further down in my bed to prove my point: nothing will get me up. Not even a nuclear war. Not even Mystel sitting on my face.

Wait, where did that last part come from? Oh, yeah. The Egyptian had launched himself on my bed, and promptly sat on my face. Cheers, fate. Love you too.  
>"Mystel. Get the hell off. I mean it." I mumbled, praying that he wouldn't-<p>

"Not until you get up." The blonde boy said stubbornly.

"How can I get up if you're holding me down?" Whoa! Logic, Mystel! You should try it sometime!

"I'm not holding your legs down, am I? Swing your legs out of bed first, duh!"  
>... I'm sorry. But I can't take it anymore. Surrounded by idiots with an IQ of one digit is seriously effecting my mental health.<p>

I tried to push Mystel off me, but as I have the upper body strength of a kitten (hey! Pun! ... Please ignore me.) my pathetic attempt failed miserably. Not a surprise.

"Mystel. Move. Now." I growled. But my threatening tone wasn't as effective when he was sitting on my face.

"Get up then."

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"No!"

"That trick doesn't work in real life." I rolled my eyes. What, did he think I was an idiot?

"But Ray! If I get up you'll just go back to sleep!" Mystel whined. Yeah, because after you suffocating me I'll definitely go back to sleep. God, he's dumb. In a nice, friendly way of course.

"I promise I won't. Pinky swear." I said, holding up by hand and whacking him in the face. What? I can't exactly see that I'm doing, can I?

"Fine. But if you do, I'll tip water on you." Mystel said, defeated, and jumped off my face.

Gasping, I ran my hair through my fingers, grateful for the sudden increase of oxygen. Mystel just stood on my carpet staring at me.

"Yes, I'm getting up!" I told him, standing up on shaky legs. Well, at least one good thing has come out of this: I know that he's recovered from his accident yesterday.

Nah. I don't care really.

"Mystel. I'm getting changed now. You can leave." I stared at him, raising an eyebrow. He blinked back at me. Yeah, because I was gonna let him stay while I got changed. Creep.

"Be quick. Any more than ten minutes and I'll set the fire nose on you." And with a final nod of his head, he strode out, weird clothing toga thing flapping behind him.

Fire hose? Actually, no. I don't want to know.

Eight minutes later (no, I didn't count. I'm not that sad... Mystel did.) I forced myself to exit my bedroom and practically dragged myself downstairs.

The kitchen was filled with excited chatter, one voice shrieking louder than the rest. Of course it was Ming-Ming; she'd probably found a spider or something. Or not- any small creature would be terrified to enter Bryan and Tala's house. Shame for Brooklyn.

"I am NOT eating with that spoon! It's got the tiniest bit of sugar on it, and if I want it I'll get really fat, and I CAN'T get fat 'cause I'm a stuck-up little self-obsessed brat!" Yep. Ming-Ming alright. Okay, so she didn't say exactly that. But you get the general picture.

"Ming-Ming, pipe down!" Another voice shouted. As it was fairly high, I'm almost certain it belonged to Hilary. Either that or Tyson's been on the helium again.

"Don't tell me what to do! I'm better than you, I'll ALWAYS be better than you!" This time the pop tart (not the food item; she's a tart and sings pop. Badly.) said those exact words. Modest much.

Maybe I should just turn and leave. No one would notice, and I wouldn't have to put up with- ah. Nope, can't do that either; Bryan's lurking at the bottom of the stairs. So I guess I have to enter the murder scene- uh... Kitchen.

It definitely looks like a murder scene though. Food is scattered everywhere, the chairs have been knocked over, the clock is on the floor for some reason. Now all we're missing is the dead body. Any volunteers?

"Guys! What have you done?! If Bryan or Tala see this, we'll get slaughtered!" Everyone halted in their tracks at my words and looked around them.

"Oh shit... We'd better tidy up..." Hilary said, taking in the mess.

"Well no! It's not as if we're living with two PSYCHOPATHS who'll KILL US if they FIND OUT!" I screamed, practically tearing my hair out. So maybe I'm losing my cool a bit... But still. You can't blame me!

"Whoa, Ray. Chill." Tyson told me, making weird hand gestures that I can't describe.

"No, Tyson! YOU all made this mess, YOU all clean it up! We're gonna die! Oh god, I'm too young!" ... You have no idea how embarrassing writing this is. Seriously. You have no clue.

"Mystel, you're short: run out there and keep an eye out for Satan and his henchman." I instructed him, pointing at the door. He nodded and ran out, being careful not to make any noise. Yeah, Mystel, being quiet will help us now.

I glanced around the room, taking in every little detail. Could we clean this up before Bryan and Tala found out? And if they did find out, who would die? Me, definitely; they hate me enough already. Tyson? Well, everyone hates Tyson. So probably.

"Okay. Max- sweep up the cereal. Hilary, can you pick the chairs up? And Brooklyn, you're tall, can you put the clock back on the wall?" Everyone nodded and set to work putting the kitchen right. Those who hadn't been assigned jobs by yours truly set about making sure every little detail was perfect. And me? I watched.

"They're coming! Code red, code red!" Mystel suddenly shot through the doorway, waving his arms around.

Panicking, I looked around the kitchen. Everything seemed to be fine. Okay, here goes...

"What're you all looking so scared about?" The Devil himself questioned, walking through the doorway.

"Nothing. Good morning Bryan." Brooklyn smiled, nodding at the falcon. The Devils equivalent (Tala, for all you slow people out there like me) entered the room, scowling. He made eye contact with me and his scowl deepened. Help.

"Whatever." Bryan grunted, opening one of the kitchen cupboards and retrieving some food item thingy.

Kai and Spencer appeared (what? You didn't think they were with us all this time, did you?) and raised an eyebrow at us. Both of them. At the same time. Talk about creepy.

"Just to let you know... Don't touch any of the radiators. They get really hot." Spencer said. Call me picky, but that didn't sound like something to come out of Spencer's mouth. Even if he wasn't the most psychopathic Russian.

"Why?" Brave little Ming-Ming asked, looking up at him with a sickeningly sweet smile. Spencer didn't even look at her. Ha.

"Because even if it's freezing, you turn the dial a fraction of an inch and it's like Satan's radiating out of the walls." Aaaaand that's why he warned us. Because he wanted to make references about Satan. Of course.

"Why's he here?" Kai asked, pointing at a very annoyed-looking Daichi. Wow! I hadn't even noticed he was back here! Maybe I should start eating breakfast. After all, they do say it helps concentration.

"Because Bryan didn't want to get done for murder." Tala explained. And he didn't even glare at him. I'm jealous.

"Ian's coming round later." Bryan informed us all. Oh yeah! I'd totally forgot about Ian! He was a creep... But at least he wasn't likely to rip anyone apart. Well... From what I know of him anyway.

So, my morning was crap. And not just because it was morning, either. But hey, I still had all my limbs! That was a good thing, surely! But the ultimate question was: how long would I keep them for? Because judging by the dirty looks off Tala and Bryan, my guess is as good as theirs. Which isn't a positive thing...

* * *

><p><strong>Okay. I lied at chapter 1. I have NO clue where this is going... I just write what comes into my head. But I know SOMETHING is gonna happen soon... Maybe when Ian comes in.<strong>

**Please R&R!**


	6. I Won't Survive

**Heh. Update.**

**... Sorry I've been away for so long. I'll get round to updating other stuff. Some time.**

**And also, I changed the summary of this story. Added another pairing. I live on BryanXTala and IanXKevin, they're the best. Seriously.**

**The White Tigers coming in will make sense... Eventually.**

**Guest reviewer: Awwww thanks ^_^ it was actually this review that inspired me to write this chapter. I've got the next one planned out too, so I'll write it up soon.**

**kawaii-chibi-kai: OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN LIKE AGES but here I am now. Thanks for the review! ( ^ω^ )**

**Warnings: swearing and stuff. The usual really.**

**Disclaimer: see some other chapter. Actually, they all direct you to chapter one. Yeah. See chapter one.**

* * *

><p>Believe it or not, I don't actually hate Bryan and Tala. I'm just ridiculously scared of them and want to stay out of their way at all costs. But I don't <em>hate<em> them.

I can even understand why they're doing the 'if murder was legal, Kon, then you'd be in 467 pieces by now' thing on me. In all fairness I did walk in on them sucking face.

... Kissing.

I meant kissing.

And I understand that because of that, it's normal that they want to season my kidneys with pepper and eat them for dinner, followed by boiled liver and fried brain fillets. All belonging to me, of course.

So, I don't hate them as such. Sure, they're intimidating, sadistic, psychopathic and ruthless. But hate is a strong word. Plus, I barely know them.

But, do you know who I do hate? Who I want to lock in a cupboard with hungry honey badgers who've only been fed flies and bloodworms for four weeks? Take a guess.

If you guessed Ming-Ming, which you didn't... You're right.

She's just so... Uuurrrggghhh.

Pull yourself together now, Ray. Don't loose your cool just yet. You've still got to get through the rest of the holidays.

Slap-able, you know? She's just so slap-able. Every word that comes from her lipgloss-coated lips just makes me wanna freak out and smack her. But I won't. Because that would be extremely horrible, and I'm a nice guy.

Oh, just stay out of her way, Ray. I can almost hear your thoughts. Actually, you're wondering why I hate her, and since writing down your feelings is meant to make you feel better or something, then I shall tell you.

It all started with her birth. She was a spoilt child, getting children's cutlery made out of solid gold, decorated in crystals and diamonds-

Maybe not that far back. Although being born is where it all started.

Not that I'm saying I wish she was never born. Because, as I've mentioned before: I'm a nice person.

Anyway. Moving on.

If I let myself rant on forever about why she's so annoying, irritating, infuriating etc. by the time I'm done it would be night time. A week later. Therefore, I shall have to shorten this little speech.

She's a slut.

There, done, one word to describe her entire existence. Now back off and leave me alone.

I'm sorry, okay?! From the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry. I can't apologise enough, honestly.

... Nah. I'm not.

She flirts with _everything!_ No exaggeration! No joke, at all! If it's a male human being, she will hit on him, battering her stupid mascara-coated eyelashes and twirling her stupid hair around her stupid finger with a stupid innocent expression on her stupid face.

Please don't judge me for this. I'm still the nice guy of the BladeBreakers who is always there for people and helps out, etc etc. But I have opinions! And they need to be acknowledged!

Tala, Garland, Tyson, Brooklyn. They may not be obvious, but she's done the slut-girl act on them. Not always (actually, never) with the results she expected; Tala threatened her with rabid dogs, Garland and Brooklyn took it as some cute friendship thing, Tyson looked at her as if she was some annoying two-year-old begging for him to play My Little Pony with her.

Unsurprisingly, her expression afterwards is not one of someone who's happy.

But her most recent victim is shocking.

Scary.

Terrifyingly messed up.

You will scream.

It's...

Spencer.

Yes. I know. I heard your gasp of surprise, I practically saw the shocked look that took over your face. I'm as creeped out as you are, my friend. But don't worry. We can get through this together.

_I believe in us._

_How do you go through it all cause baby deep down, I believe in us. _

_ Even when my back's up against the wall, I ain't gon' bail down when the times get rough._

_ Anything you need girl, you know I would._

_ So shut the fuck up if that's what it took. _

_ So ain't no way I'm giving up. _

_ I believe in us, I believe in us, I believe in us._

No...? Okay.

Word count because I'm a saddo: 707 words ranting about Slut-Slut. Seven hundred and seven. Seven zero seven. Wow. I need a life.

Shhh... Wait... There's something knocking at my door.

Standing up, I go to answer it, somehow managing to throw half of my bed covers on the floor as I do so. Now do you see why people call me graceful?

I take a deep breath, hoping and praying that the creature behind the door isn't Russian and dangerous, and slowly turn the handle.

Oh, hey there, coincidence. Didn't see you lurking behind my bedroom door with your dagger of sadism. Welcome, come in, make yourself at home.

Because it's not a Russian.

It's something almost as bad (but not quite. This thing doesn't want to rip me open).

Slut-Slut.

"Oh, hey there Ming-Ming!" Gotta be nice. Gotta be polite. Can't call her Slut-Slut directly, something will drown (in her tears most likely.)

Why is she here?! Is she going on to _me_ now?! Looking at her standing before me, seeing her stupid face and stupid makeup and stupid clothes and stupid hair and stupid existence... That lamp on my nightstand looks heavy. And sharp. Maybe if I smash it over her hea-

Whoa, Ray. Stop these violent thoughts man. You're a nice person, everyone knows that. Fantasying about smashing glass over a girls head? Not cool, dude. Not cool at all.

"Heya Ray! Can I come in?" Her stupid whiny voice rings out, making my ears bleed and head thump. It's agonising.

"Yeah, su-" oh no, never mind, come in and get comfortable Slut-Slut, you bitch. Totally okay to walk into a guys room without his permission. Not that I'd deny her access anyway. But this is like trespassing, and against my human rights.

"Your rooms' so pretty, Ray-Ray!" It's on to double name calling now, huh? Whoa, honey pie. Shit just got serious.

"Eh, thanks, Slu- Ming-Ming."

No. I totally did not just nearly call her Slut-Slut shut up.

I'm lying I did.

I watch, dying inside, as she sits on my bed and crosses her legs. And GUESS WHAT?! SHE'S WEARING A SKIRT AND WHEN SHE CROSSES HER LEGS OH GOD.

Please, please, _please_, girl. Pull your skirt down. Before I ma-

Actually, I'd rather not go over to her and pull her skirt down. I think I'll pass on that.

Trying desperately not to look at her, I gaze around the room. But it's a bit hard when my room is tiny and I have a multi-coloured blue-haired short-skirted girl sitting in the middle of it.

Thanks a bunch, Slut-Slut, really appreciate it. Now get the fuck out.

"Not being rude or anything, Ming, but is there a reason why you're here?"

"No, I just wanted to talk! Sit with me!"

You know what, I think I'll decline on that offer. Oh wait. Sudden realisation: it's not an offer. It's a demand.

Gulp.

Be right back gonna go die.

I cautiously sit next to her on the bed, making sure I definitely don't make contact with her at all. Can't take any risks, huh. Don't want her getting the wrong idea.

"Well. So. How are you, Ming?" Best. Conversationalist. _Ever._

"I'm great, thanks, Ray-Ray! Russia is beautiful!"

Wait. Stop right there. Are you... Touching me? Is your hand making contact with me? Nuh-uh, Slut-Slut, you can stop right there.

"Yeah, it uh, it certainly is. Very... Snowy."

Someone give me a medal. Make that three. I deserve to be treated.

This physical contact is making me feel uncomfortable. Especially because it's touching my leg. Please make it stop.

"It's great! We hardly ever get snow in Japan, so we've gotta make the most of it, huh?"

... She's... Moving her hand up my leg. She's at my knee now. Oh please, anyone, even

Tala or Bryan; _save me._

"Mm. Yeah. You're, uh right."

HOLY FUCK SHE'S AT MY THIGH.

I can feel her position change as she leans closer to me, and whispers in my ear:

_ "We better make the most of this whole trip."_

If I was drinking right now... The phrase 'spits team doesn't even begin to describe what would've happened. And to make matters worse, remember that issue about her hand? Yeah? Well, it's climbed further up my thigh. I need to do something. And fast.

Suddenly standing up, I turn to her and force a smile. "A thousand apologies, Ming, but I've got work to do. Lots of work. That'll take ages. And ages. Nicetotalktoyouseeyoulater byeeee!"

And she's gone. Out the door. Just turn around now. Cause you're not welcome any more.

But the thing is, I've got god knows how long left here.

And I don't know if I will survive.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, no Ian unfortunately. But I wanted a calmer chapter, and I promise he'll be in the next one! As well as Max fangirling over Lady Gaga. Yeah. That's right. I can see you squealing in joy.<strong>

**And ew this new document layout thing. Ew.**

**Please R&R!**


End file.
